Thursday, October 3


A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been named “Administratium.”

Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by a vast quantity of lemming-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally occur in less than 1 hour. Administratium has a normal half-life of three years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a transformation called “reorganization”, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium’s mass actually increases over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever and wherever morons reach a certain quantity and concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass.”

You will know it when you see it.

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